A rapper by the name Tech N9ne once explained the meaning behind his name...
He went on to explain that the number 9 was a symbol of completion. He took a gun reference and molded it into Tech N9ne to mean the completion of technique.
I don't exactly know where I was going with that reference, but it sounds pretty deep, eh?
I've been through a lot these 9 years... and if you told me that perhaps I could have done better with the 9 years that I spent on this website (or this earth) you probably wouldn't get an argument out of me. It's just astounding, really... NINE years. I mean, do you know what cool shit OTHER people do in 9 years? You've probably taken 9 years and done something awesome. Maybe you're a superstar in your craft or something. Maybe you've found the love of your life and you two have managed to weather the storm and actually make something happen. Perhaps you've made some grand travel to elsewhere in the hopes that you can change your life for good.
I screwed up a lot... Some people still like me, some people hate my guts. Others haven't a shred of fuck to give about my existence. A few love me... and somehow I haven't given them a valid reason not to...
In that span of 9 years I've had plans go awry or not at all. I've had bursts of hope and moments where there wasn't any hope to be found. I might have inspired someone but I won't be so arrogant as to assume that I have. If I have... thank you. I'm glad you could see something about me or whatever it is that I've done and feel that it was in any way inspirational.
If I've ever made anyone here happy, I'm thankful for that.
If I've hurt you at all... I apologise with my entire heart behind it. I'm not bad... I've just done bad things and for that I'm sorry.
I spent 9 years trying to express SOMETHING with art. If I've gotten any better at it... I suppose that's for someone else to decide. I really couldn't tell you with any certainty... unless we're talking about employment... then yes I'm great or something, just fucking hire me so I can work hard for you and pay my bills. I hope I can get better. Sometimes I believe I can. In spite of various moments where I've contemplated jumping off the edge, I feel like I have gotten better in a way.
In 9 years I went from being some douchebag piecing together other wallpapers to make my own wallpaper. Somewhere in the midst of all that bullshit I picked up a camera and from there I went on to take pictures of everything from trails to my dying grandfather. I've used... maybe 5 cameras that entire time. An old film camera that I can't remember but named Naoko, a Canon Powershot, a Canon Rebel 2000, A Panasonic lumix and now my Canon 7D, affectionately named Naota. Sure I've written poetry and haiku... but most of that stuff is bleh in my opinion... more bleh than a lot of my bleh photography.
Anyway, I should stop rambling... I've been trying to change a lot of things lately. Reallign my stars or something... A lot of it I can't tell you, because I'm still in the middle of changing it. Depth Mental Photography is a thing with an EIN number and everything. I've been shooting concerts and things... so that's been cool. I finally got over it and I've been taking pictures of people... like... portraiture and such. I've taken pictures of men and women with their clothes on, that's been pretty cool.
I finally met ~DemonicDesigns
after years of being online friends and saw his band Terminate play live. (I even got a t-shirt!) He would be the third person I've been friends with and met on dA and offline. The other two being ~flyinghamsterofdoom
. I met ~Petsuchos-Isis
through a friend and we discovered we had mutual dA friends.
I write for DigitalNoob thanks to Hamster... and I should be posting some new stuff soon. ...soon-ish.
I fell in love with a microbiologist. She's my girlfriend now... and I think she's pretty neat. :3 (I love you, Joanne.)
I can't afford the help I need, but I do the best I can with the help I can get... and I seek as much as I can. To say the least, I get by with a little help from my friends... the ones that can help.
This wasn't supposed to be the next journal. It was actually supposed to be a list of things that would probably help #dAmn... but there's nothing I can do because it isn't my call. No one with a $ has asked for my opinion or help on anything and I shouldn't go trying to hoist it upon them. If they think what they're doing is right, then alright... if there was any reason for them to believe I could help... I'd be working for them. ...but I'm not. So whatever.
Nine fucking years, though... I still don't know if I could equate the time spent into something that could give a definite answer.
The best I could come up with was something I said to :devamongstars: when an argument could have erupted: Alright
Will you guys see more art from me on here? Maybe. That depends on two things. 1: If I post any. 2: If anyone actually looks at it. I'm not so silly as to think I'm special or deserving of attention. Hell, I'm writing this whole thing well aware that no one may comment or fav it. That's okay...
Just... 9 years and I haven't really left. I never really left. I wouldn't make an announcement if I was going to leave either. So what do I do?
Take more pictures, make my own sandwich... try to get some income coming in. Try to be a better artist and person, perhaps?
Either way, thanks for 9 years of being a platform I've loved, hated, and depending on how you look at it, foolishly spent obscene amounts of time on.